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THE SHORT VERSION: Paramount owns
Star Trek and everything to do with it. I make no money off
this site; it's just for fun. For more details, read the long
version. Live long and prosper.
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We Wish He Stayed Silent Because He Can't Act
Very Well Travis leads Trip and Malcolm spelunking in Non-Blood-Feverish
caves to rescue a trio of stray Denobulan geologists. Trip
wishes aloud for the hand rails and snack bar of his previous
cave. (Obviously he's been somewhere else since the LSD
Caves from the beginning of last season.) They carefully
rappel down the first cliff. Trip misses a foot-plant about
halfway down, causing a minor landslide,
but doesn't fall -- "Just testing the rope," he
quips.
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The next leg of the journey is somewhat more
perilous, however. Mal edges down the slippery slope with
Trip behind him. (My rock-climbing brother-in-law advised
that Travis, as the most experienced climber, should be the
lead, not the anchor.) Before Trav can quite shoot the piton
into the wall, the armory officer loses his footing and proceeds
to prove that gravity
works. In a Wile E. Coyote-worthy moment, the safety rope
uncoils, and Trip has an ohnosecond
to realize he's heading down the falls without a barrel.
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All three of our intrepid explorers shoot the
chute. I hope Trav brought a few extra waste disposal packs,
because they're seriously going to need them after this run.
Mal goes sailing out into
the great wide open. Trip is free-fallin'
right behind him. Travis realizes that since he had a whole
episode last week without getting Kennyed,
he's back to redshirt status. Just before learning
to fly, he jams his foot into a convenient hole, breaking
his senior officers' fall and his own leg.
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Dangling like that terrifying scene in Vertical
Limit, Trip and Malcolm struggle to reach the cavern
wall so they can anchor a piton.
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Trip slams hard into the wall but can't get
a grip on it. Trav yells that he's about
to give out. "Let's swing together!" Trip shouts
to Mal, suddenly catching the interest of certain
audience segments. After swingin'
back and forth a few times, Trip manages to jam an anchor
into the wall just before the rope slips out of Trav's hands.
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Trip patches up Trav's broken leg, promises
not to shoot him like a horse, and soldiers on with Malcolm
in tow. They crawl (sideways, oddly) through the snug tunnels,
getting filthy and scratched and annoyed.
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At length they discover the rock docs' camp.
Trip introduces himself and Mal to the Denobulans and tells
them they've had their fun, but it's time
to move on. The geologists seem surprised to see them,
and politely brush off our boys' concerns and orders.
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Trip firmly repeats that they're leaving. They
declare that they're staying. Commander Tucker revs into high
dudgeon and informs them that they can either leave under
their own power or he'll drag them out by their ankles. (No
really. I looooooove John Shiban.) They cave.
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Crawling back out, one of the rockheads tries
to claim one more sample for the bag. Trip goes ballistic
and threatens, "If you don't start moving in the next
five seconds, Ah'm going take my phase pistol and shoot you
in the ass! One!... Two!..." The rockhead wisely flees.
Malcolm gives Trip the thumbs-up for remembering, and hanging
onto, the phase pistol this time.
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They reach Almost Chunky Salsa Cliff. The place
starts to shake. Trip guesses earthquake. Paranoid Mal guesses
ordnance and names it down to the millimeter. Our boys strap
on their gear, duck a boulder, and start to climb
that hill by hauling themselves up a handspan at a time,
while the geologists just Spider-Man
up the sheer face. Showoffs.
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They get Trav out and everyone into the shuttle
pod. Fortunately, they're flying Invulnerable Shuttlepod One,
which can take a few hits from the grouchy local government
and not blow up.
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