|
You've heard the taunt "Your mama wears
Army boots"? It's from an old street tradition called
"doin'
the dozens," a ritual of trading elaborate insults
among friends about a person or his/her relatives (usually
mother). So here's doin' the dozens, Trek-style. Suggestions
welcome and will be credited, but keep it PG-13 or less. Open
to all Trek series.
Your mama wears MACO boots.
Your mama is so ugly, the Ferengi told her
to get dressed.
Your mama is so fat she's got her own gravitational
pull.
Your mama is so ugly even Kirk wouldn't {ahem}.
Your mama is such a bad cook, Janeway begged
for the return of Leola Root Casserole Surprise Night.
Your mama is so fat she accidentally got a
shuttlepod caught in her teeth.
Your mama is so ugly, every time she walks
by LaForge his VISOR shorts out.
Your mama is so annoying, Wesley told her to
shut up.
Your mama is so ugly, a Vulcan in the plak
tow would rather resolve his pon farr with the business end
of a lirpa.
Your mama is so dumb she tried to open the
main viewscreen to "get some fresh air in here."
Your mama is so ugly the Orion slavers gave
her back.
Your mama is so hairy, the tribbles thought
she was their queen.
Your mama is so dumb she brought a Scrabble
set to her first spacewalk because the instructor said there'd
be zero Gs.
Your mama is so ugly even the Vidiians have
to beer-goggle first.
Your mama is so boring Admiral Forrest sent
Archer an official apology for chewing him out about the Gazelle
Speech.
Your mama is so dumb she failed Pakled high
school.
Your mama is so fat even Troi could land a
starship on her ass.
Your mama is so ugly the transporter objected
to reassembling her. Your mama is so ugly the captain
actually considered the transporter's argument.
Your mama is so fat, the last time she tried
to play basketball Astrometrics thought she'd finally acquired
a moon.
Your mama is so dumb the Borg refused to assimilate
her.
Your mama is so ugly, she broke the Mirror
Universe.
Your mama is so fat, they almost took her
back to talk to the probe instead of George and Gracie.
Your mama is so dumb she tried to put the Bynars
in numerical order.
Your mama is so fat the turbolift can only
take her down.
Your mama is so ugly the holodeck refused to
make a simulation of her.
Your mama is so fat Garak has to take her dress
measurements in lightyears.
Your mama is so dumb she thought the Pyrithian
bat was a new piece of baseball equipment.
Your mama is so fat she's not allowed to have
quarters along the outer hull because every time the ship
made a turn the gravimetric shear would rip off the saucer
section.
Your mama is so ugly she could scare the forehead
ridges off a Klingon.
Your mama is so fat, if she skips down the
corridor the structural integrity of the deck falls to 47%.
Your mama stinks so bad, every time she walks
into the Cargo Bay she sets off the smoke detectors.
Your mama is so fat she has to wake up one
deck at a time.
Your mama is so ugly she looks like she went
bobbing for apples in the warp plasma.
Your mama is so fat, when she goes to Risa
nobody else gets any sun.
Your mama is so boring, when she got to Risa,
all she wanted to do was play Uno.
Your mama is so ugly Crusher finally gave up
and diagnosed her with "What the Hell is That?!
Face."
Your mama is so fat, they had to grease the
sides of the wormhole to get her through.
Your mama stinks so bad Odo morphed off his
nose.
Your mama is so fat her shuttle crashed before
Chakotay even got into it.
Your mama is so annoying Zeke said "You
know, maybe five
minutes is too much. Can we cut it down to like two and
a half?"
|
