THE SHORT VERSION: Paramount owns Star Trek and everything to do with it. I make no money off this site; it's just for fun. For more details, read the long version. Live long and prosper.

Those SHIRTS! or, "I Plan On Gettin' Noticed."

While this is a site about Trip Tucker, not actually Connor Trinneer, the actor does like to show up for official events in the loudest, strangest, most outrageous shirts he can get his hands on. He rarely wears the same "fanblinder" twice. And you know, he still looks adorable in them. (The geeky glasses don't hurt.)

Paramount's 90th Anniversary: One of the earliest and most notorious. Some people love this shirt, others think it's irredeemably awful. And Paramount has forty-seven photographers and they can't come up with a better shot of him smiling?

Dearborn, MI Creation convention, 2002: This one looks like the pattern on a summer tablecloth you'd get from Aunt Sherry when you got your first apartment. Ridiculous little strings of poppies, including right on the collar. Thanks for the photo, Ann!

Las Vegas Creation convention, August 2003: Mets-colored stripes! Plus I feel the strong urge to adjust the vertical hold on my monitor.

Las Vegas Creation convention, August 2003: If I didn't know better I'd say this photo was vintage 1974. The dragonflies, or whatever they are, look like phallic paislies. If he wore this in California they'd cite him for disturbing the peace.

SFX convention in Toronto, September 2003: Daisies? Little exploding nebulae? Tonka truck tracks? "Red shirt" bullseyes? Someone attacked him with a rolling stamper? He was wearing red suspenders and got splashed with hot water?

SFX convention in Toronto, September 2003: This looks demure enough at first glance, but study it carefully and you can see lacy mandalas over the pockets and on the sleeve.

Fedcon XII in Bonn, Germany, May 2004: Do not attempt to adjust your eyeballs. We control the horizontal. We control the vertical. We control the diagonal. We control the tracking. We have no control over your motion sickness. Thanks for the photo, Conny!

Fedcon XII in Bonn, Germany, May 2004: It looks like he's been swarmed by cicadas, but those are just little blue flowers on the bed-ticking. He really has a thing for stripes. Thanks for the photo, Sanni!

CBS/UPN All-Star Party, Hollywood, June 2004: Inger got this photo on eBay and very kindly sent me a copy. I can't even describe the bizarre pattern -- acid-trip paislies? Sergeant Pepper flowers? Fractal spit-curls?

UPN Television Critics Association Tour Party, July 2004: Actually only about a 5 on the blinding scale. Maybe he was looking for camouflage and hoped the green stripes would blend into the plant behind him.

Entertainment Tonight Emmy Party, September 2004 : Fortunately, marriage has only moderated the shirts, not eliminated them. I think those are pink orchids, in an almost discreet pattern across the front of a white shirt which is just a little too thin (he really should have an undershirt on). Thanks for the photo, tamaraisbraun!

Starbase Indy, November 2004: A grid of merlot-colored printer's flowers, enlivened by bleach streaks. Maybe his wife tried to lessen the retinal damage but he stopped her halfway. Thanks for the photo, Ocean!

ConnorTrinneer.com Birthday Fan Gift 2004: I have it on excellent authority that this very page you're reading was printed out and used as an explanation for the crazy quilt of crazy shirts which the actor's official site assembled for his birthday gift. (By the way...thanks! :) I'm glad I could help.)

Vulkon in Cleveland, OH, April 2006: The shirts return! Pale blue flowers with darker red ones scattered throughout.

According to tjinloca, who generously donated the photo, Connor told the audience:

"I don't wear loud shirts! They might be a bit... colorful." Then he went into a long description of how he chooses his shirts very carefully, and each one has a story -- he can look at them hanging in his closet and say, "Oh yeah, that one's Kansas City."

This particular number is "a vintage thrift shop purchase," says Connor.

Christmas Scrapbooking party 2005: The multi-spectrum static on this one actually makes my eyes hurt! It's like a whole box of crayons threw up on a marble notebook cover. Dominic grabbed his soccer jacket thing again. And they're both delicious in the comfy faded jeans.

Date unknown: A larger photo of the Sherlock Holmes pose. Sage bedticking, which is actually rather nice, but it looks like five or six snakes were playing "Twister" on his chest and then shed their skins all at once.

Terraformers con in Greece, May 2008: Connor's blue bedticking is completely normal. It's Dominic's rows of fading bullseyes which get the nod for this con. It looks like he took the rank pattern from my ENT Drinking Game page and had it made into a cloth pattern. Thanks for the photo, Valentina68!

Bonus! Trip Raids Connor's Closet

Trinneer insisted at a recent convention that the ENT staff couldn't have gotten the idea for Trip's wardrobe from his own, since he never wore those shirts to work, but saves them for convention appearances. Because ENT staffers don't go to conventions, right?

Fallen Hero: The debut retina-searer. Any louder and he would have deafened T'Pol just walking onto the bridge.

Two Days and Two Nights: The Hawai'ian shirt shows up briefly in the teaser, but then he changes into this Purple People Eater number. Remarkably, Malcolm manages to coordinate without making anyone's corneas bleed.

The Xindi: The real nightmare with this one was that he made the kid actor wear one just like it!