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CURRICULUM VITAE
Name as it appears on your birth certificate?
Breezy out of Gingersnap. Look, that's how they do pedigrees.
Current name? Porthos
Nicknames? Pup, Port, "dog"
Parents' names? Gingersnap and Ulee
Siblings? Athos (Brian), D'Artagnan (Bryce), Aramis
(Bruno) -- we were the B litter, obviously.
Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday
cake? 2
Date that you regularly blow them out? February
6
Pets? I'm considered one.
Height? 37cm
Eye color? Brown
Hair color? Brown, black, and white
Piercings? none
Tattoos? a little ID thingy deep in my left ear.
How much do you love your job? Since my job is "keeping
Alpha Male happy," I'd say I wish I could do it better.
Birthplace? Los Gatos, CA (yes, I'm aware of the
irony)
Hometown? Enterprise
Current residence? Enterprise, in Alpha Male's
den
College attended, degree? None so far; I'm looking
into correspondence courses. I'm having difficulty deciding
on a major. Maybe Philosophy. Or Interspecies Comparative
Literature.
What kind of car do you drive? Cars are for hanging
out of.
PREFERENCES
Croutons or bacon bits? Bacon bits. But they have
to be real bacon.
Coke or Pepsi? yuck! I don't like carbonated beverages.
The bubbles go up my nose.
Sprite or 7UP? See above.
Coffee or ice cream? Ice cream. Dulce de Leche.
Coffee, tea, or decaf? None of the above.
Milk chocolate or dark? Chocolate is not good for
dogs.
Buttered, plain, or salted popcorn? Salted and buttered.
Red or white wine? What cheese is it being served
with?
Gold or silver? Gold
Two or four doors? whichever one's open
Bridges or tunnels? Depends; is there a rabbit in
the tunnel?
Beach, city, or country? Beach, definitely. Alpha
Male and Fixit Male like to throw the Frisbee around for me.
Summer or winter? Summer. Who needs snow in their
paws?
Storms: Cool or scary? Cool to watch, scary to be
in. Not even dogs like the smell of wet dogs.
Roller coaster: Scary or exciting? You must be this
tall to ride this ride, and I'm not.
James Dean or Clark Gable? Gable. Dean is a lone
wolf.
Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn? Marilyn. Yum.
Beatles or Stones? Stones. Alpha Male and I do a
mean duet on "Honky Tonk Women."
Blanket or stuffed animal? ...they STUFF animals?
One pillow or two? I have two of my own, but I sleep
on Alpha Male's.
Adidas, Nike, or Reebok? Dogs don't wear shoes.
Mac, PC, or Unix? Mac all the way. (I confess I
don't have the head for coding.)
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE...
Salad dressing? Blue cheese.
Salad? grass with basil
Pizza topping? sausage, meatballs, extra extra extra
cheese
Foods? Cheese. Any kind of cheese. Brie, boursin,
Fontainebleau, Stilton, Dorset Blue Vinny, Leicester, Penbryn,
Tyn Grug, double Gloucester, Bryndza, feta, gouda, mozzarella,
ricotta, ricotta salata, marscapone, provolone, asiago, parmigiana,
gruyere, camembert, Swiss, Saanenkaese, siraz, Jarlsberg,
oaxaca, quark, zamorano, gorgonzola, limburger, cheddar, monterey
jack, muenster, colby, edam, farmer's, American, Velveeta,
bring it on!
Sandwich filling? white American cheese with just
a little bit of mayo
Dessert? Fixit Male's dam made a ricotta cheesecake
once. Heavenly.
Type of ice cream? Dulce de Leche, French vanilla
with maple
Restaurant? Any place they'll serve me.
Fast food place? See above.
Drink, non-alcoholic? milk
Drink, alcoholic? I had beer once. I see no need
to repeat the experience.
Color of socks? white
Shampoo or conditioner? Canine Care
Toothpaste? Canine Care
Place to be kissed? nose, top of my head
Holiday? Thanksgiving. Lots of leftovers.
Color? Brown
Car? Anything with big windows which roll down all
the way.
Day of the week? "Saturday night's the night
I like, Saturday night's all right, all right, ooooooooooooh..."
sorry -- I love Elton John. :)
Band/Artist? Elton, Sheryl Crow, Billy Joel
Book? A Wrinkle in Time, A Wind in the Door,
A Swiftly Tilting Planet, Madeline L'Engle
Magazine? World News Digest Weekly
Movie? The "Lord of the Rings" trilogy,
extended director's editions
TV show? "Frasier"
TV character? Mork. Robin Williams should have done
more TV.
Disney character? The Tramp from "Lady and
the Tramp"
Warner Bros. character? The sheepdog and coyote
who spend their "working" day beating the tar out
of each other and then are friends at the 5:00 bell.
Sesame Street character? Big Bird. Barkley was like
the retarded cousin nobody wants to talk about.
James Bond? Connery! Is there any other?
Quote? "On the Internet, nobody knows you're
a dog."
Word or phrase? "Dinnnertime!"
Flower? buttercup (What, you thought I was going
to say "dogwood"?)
Sport to watch? Fencing is very exciting. Water
polo is okay.
Zoo exhibit? What's a zoo?
Board game? Trivial Pursuit. I'm the ship's undefeated
champion. Healer Female is my only real competition.
Town to chill in? Stone Harbor, NJ
Perfume/Cologne? yuck!
Website? Comics.com, the WebDVM advice column, The
Straight Dope
Least favorite thing? What happens after cheese.
Least favorite subject? Alpha Male lecturing me
on what happens after cheese.
RANDOM PERSONAL QUESTIONS
Been in love before? I'm developing a crush on Healer
Male's Pyrithian bat, Phaela. I wonder how she feels about
cross-species dating.
Loved somebody so much it made you cry? Check back
with me after I've talked to her.
Dumper or dumpee? Neither, I hope!
What inspires you? Knowing there are intelligent
species on other planets.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Still keeping
Alpha Male happy. And Fixit Male and Guardian Male if they're
around.
What do you look for in a partner? Intelligence,
sensitivity, a sense of wonder, the ability to hear very high-pitched
sounds, an appreciation for Elton John.
What did you want to be when you grew up? Part of
a great pack. Which I am.
What characteristics do you despise? Rudeness. People
who are bullies. Stinginess. Flaunting pack authority.
If you had a big win in the lottery, how long would you
wait to contact people? I think Alpha Male is legally
required to handle my finances, so you'd better ask him.
Where would you retire to? Alpha Male's feet. Preferably
he'll have found a mate by that point. I can't sire any litters,
but nothing's stopping him.
Have you ever been convicted of a crime? Never!
Accused, certainly, but nobody could ever prove it was me.
Do you get along with your parents? Well, I didn't
know my sire, really, but my dam was very nice. I adore Alpha
Male. He just makes me want to wag my tail all over. He's
the best.
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping? That would require
me to shave all my fur -- an embarrassment at the very least.
Do you make fun of people? All the time. There's
a little chameleon in the Healer Male's den, Maddie, who loves
to gossip. When we get going, nothing is sacred.
Last person you went to dinner with? I brought Guardian
Male a "bag lunch" from Hunter Male a few weeks
ago, and sat with him to make sure he ate. Guardian Male takes
his duties very seriously. I mean, that's a good thing, but
even the Guardian has to eat. I can watch the perimeter for
fifteen minutes.
What did you do for your last birthday? Alpha Male
took me with him when he went down to the beach planet, but
the Mystery Bitch he met had a little bitch with her. None
of us got along. Why couldn't we have just thrown the Frisbee
around with Fixit Male?
Do you carry a donor card? Yes
RANDOM QUESTIONS
Had the drink Calypso Breeze? ew! no.
Been to Europe? no
Been to Africa? no
Been toilet-papering? yes, but I was scolded for
dragging it around the house.
Been toilet-papered? I was paper-trained; does that
count?
Been in a car crash? No!
Lucky Number? 261 -- amazing how often those numbers
come up in my life.
Any superstitions? Always turn around three times
before going to sleep for the night. Unwinds all the day's
stress.
When was your last hospital visit? The only good
thing to come out of that horrible experience was meeting
Phaela. I refuse to discuss the rest of it.
First thing you think of when you wake up? I'm warm!
Why is Alpha Male making me move?
What color is your bedroom's carpet? gray
What color is your bathroom? I'm a dog... the world
is my bathroom.
What's on your mouse pad? It's Alpha Male's. He
has a photo of me! He loves me.
What's under your bed? I don't know! Let me go check.
...Oh, it's a bow from the surprise birthday party the pack
threw for Alpha Male. That was fun. Even Silent Female made
an appearance.
How many times did you fail your permit and/or driver's
license test? Haven't taken either.
If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would
it be? Pavlov. I'd have quite a bit to say to that man.
What was the last film you saw at the movies? Whatever
was showing at Movie Night... it was something with subtitles.
What was the last film you saw at home? Talking
Female brought over "The Red Violin." Alpha Male
nodded off, but I thought it was lovely.
What was the last book you read? I'm working my
way through Flatland, by Edwin Abbott. Fixit Male recommended
it. Very strange, but I'm enjoying it.
What was the last CD you listened to? "Goodbye
Yellow Brick Road"
What do you have for breakfast? Kibble. Plus whatever
Alpha Male will share from his plate.
Can you touch your nose with your tongue? yes. And
many other places, but not in mixed company.
Can you roll your tongue? yes
How many keys on your key ring? I don't use keys.
I whine until someone lets me in. It's not dignified, but
I don't have opposable thumbs.
Where would you like to visit most? Middle-Earth
Hobbies? Frisbee-chasing
Which single store would you choose to max your credit
card? Harrod's
What do you do most often when you are bored? Chew.
Which doesn't please Alpha Male if I chew on something I'm
not supposed to.
What words or phrases do you overuse? "ostensibly"
(Maddie says I'm just showing off my vocabulary)
What words or phrases do your friends overuse? "I'll
get back to ya." (But Fixit Male, I need to go NOW! or
I'll have an accident!)
Friend who lives farthest away? Dale, the chocolate
Lab who lived next door to us when we were in San Francisco
Greatest pet peeve? (That's sort of redundant, isn't
it?) When Alpha Male gets so wound up in his water polo games
that he forgets that I need to go for a walk. I mean, the
game is recorded; there's no reason he can't pause it.
Best thing in the world? Alpha Male. And cheese.
When do you get up? Right after Alpha Male does.
Bedtime? 2200
Last new thing you bought for yourself? I haven't
bought anything in ages. I did indulge myself and write some
sonnets recently, though.
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