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 CURRICULUM
VITAE
Lineage ID? Reed out of Reed Fourth,
1J
Current name? Malcolm Theiss Reed
Aliases? The Kommandant
Rank? Major
Current primary enemy? The enemy of
the Empire is my enemy.
Current secondary enemy? I don't hold
any personal grudges.
Number of years you've survived? 34
Number of battles won? 547 as of that
scuffle in the Mess Hall this morning.
Pets? Betsy is my favorite rifle.
Height? 1.68m
Eye color? Steel
Hair color? Dark brown
Piercings? I've been knifed a few times,
but I took no permanent damage.
Tattoos? The MACO logo on my shoulder,
beneath the one on my uniform.
Scars? Badges of honor, every one. I'd
tell you the story of each, but we'd be here several days.
Any major body parts missing or supplemented
with a prosthetic? The lower part of my left lung was
replaced, and I have a few...enhancements in my arms.
How much do you love the Empire? Potius
mori quam foedar!
Current ship? Defiant
How many people did you have remove to get
there? The Tholians took care of that for me.
Next ship? Whatever defeats Defiant.
PREFERENCES
Very tight pants or miniskirts? Pants.
More protection for the legs.
Leather, Kevlar, or armor? Armor planetside,
Kevlar on the ship, leather off-duty.
Whisky or ale? I don't consume alcohol
-- I need to remain clear-headed at all times.
Rare wines and exotic delicacies captured
from passing vessels in the name of the Empire, or haunch
of targ with rotgut from the still in Engineering? If
I've helped to seize the ship, I've certainly earned the right
to rummage through its stores for a few items.
Coffee or Jolt? Coffee
Food or sex? Food is merely fuel, but
sex can be pleasure, pain, a means of control...
Do you enjoy devising your own interrogations
or do you savor watching someone else do the tough extractions?
I am the one who does the tough extractions. And
the sensitive ones. And the ones purely for fun.
Knife blade: serrated, hook, or poisoned?
Hook. Clean in, clean out, quick death. Poison is for cowards.
Gold or silver? Silver. Gold is a very
soft metal, rather weak.
Bridges or tunnels? I would never go
into a tunnel without sufficient explosives to blast my way
out again if need be.
Growl, shout, or hiss? hiss
Coliseum or torture chamber? Agony booth.
My newest creation. I'll have to rebuild it, since it was
lost with Enterprise, but Phlox and I had some new
ideas I wanted to incorporate anyway.
Vulcans: mostly useful minions or servants
who are too intelligent for their own good? I've never
found one to be "useful" in my line of work. But
intelligence isn't necessarily a bad thing. Stupid servants
can't get anything done without supervision, which is a waste
of time.
Ion storms: Cool or scary? Irrelevant
as long as Mister Blister keeps us in one piece.
Vlad the Impaler or Niccoló Machiavelli?
Vlad may be more feared, but Machiavelli had more impact and
can still be learned from.
Lucrezia Borgia or Countess Bathory?
Countess Bathory. Borgia was a toy in the hands of her family.
Colonel Green or Khan? Green. Khan let
his ego override his tactics.
Sauron or Voldemort? Sauron had much
more power, despite his obvious Achilles heel (so to speak).
Beatles or Stones? Beatles.
Daggers or swords? Yes.
Mac, PC, or Unix? The official Imperial
platform is Windows.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE...
Pizza topping? steak tartare
Dessert? A piece of fruit usually suffices,
such as pineapple.
Energy weapon? Well, that depends on
the tactical situation. Betsy is a good long-range rifle,
but phase pistols are better for closer fighting. Plasma cannons
are more effective in an atmosphere. Enterprise had
a tremendously powerful phase cannon for orbital assaults.
(Although its yield was diminished somewhat when the Wrench
unhooked it from the warp engine. How did he expect me to
do my job without the full amount of power available?)
Training film? I've made several, but
I suppose I was most pleased with Arcana imperii. I
understand they restructured large sections of the Imperial
intelligence-gathering service based on that guidance.
Monitoring device? My own senses. I
don't trust electronics; they're too easy to reprogram.
Method of keeping your underlings in line?
Whip
Place to be kissed? Drop by my quarters
later on this evening and we can discuss it. Don't burden
yourself with too much in the way of clothing.
Imperial holiday? Emperor Faustus IV's
birthday, for the pyrotechnics display.
Book? The Art Of War, by Sun
Tzu
James Bond villain? Goldfinger
Quote? Qui omnes insidias timet in nullas
incidit. ("He who fears every ambush falls into none,"
Pubilius Syrus)
Word or phrase? "We're fully armed
and ready for anything."
Website? RoguesCove.org
Least favorite thing? Missing a shot
RANDOM PERSONAL QUESTIONS
How many weapons do you carry on your person,
approximately? All of them.
How old were you when you committed your
first assassination? 19
How many times has someone attempted to assassinate
you? in the last week? twice
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Full bird Colonel, in charge of Operations for the quadrant
What do you look for in a partner? A
high pain threshold and a fondness for toys.
What did you want to be when you grew up?
Emperor. Doesn't everybody?
What characteristics do you despise?
Cowardice and timidity
How do you express anger? A good sneer
rarely fails to enrage my opponent, which gives me the advantage.
Would you rather die or become a bureaucrat?
Die in combat
What was your most satisfying revenge?
I don't hold any personal grudges.
Last person you went to dinner with? Pleasure
or business? Culminated in sex or death? Sgt. Cole. Business.
Sex. Nice arms.
Last crony whom you rewarded for a nasty
job well-done? Cpt. Hayes. He took that phaser blast for
me completely on his own initiative.
Ever been a "Captain's Woman"
or "Captain's Man"? Wrong branch of the service.
RANDOM QUESTIONS
Had the drink Calypso Breeze? Do I look
like a Captain's Man to you?
Any superstitions? I make note of the
charges of my personal weapons before retiring, to be certain
no one fires them while I'm asleep.
First thing you think of when you wake up?
Another glorious day of serving the Empire! And what kind
of jam I'm in the mood for on my morning scone.
What's on your mouse pad? I use a piece
of transparent aluminum, so nothing can be secreted beneath
it.
What's under your bed? A tripwire connected
to a transporter switch. Anyone reaching underneath is immediately
beamed into space.
How many people did you have to bribe to
get into Imperial service? Only three, since I had a few
contacts who owed me favours.
What Academy subject is completely useless?
Comparative Sociology
What was the last book you read? Defiant's
head of security had several tactical manuals in her quarters,
so I'm working through those as quickly as I can. Tactics
from the future can only be of assistance to the Empire.
Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
Yes. I didn't know that until just now. How peculiar.
I should work that into our signal set.
Can you roll your tongue? No.
Hobbies? Rebuilding old weapons, collecting
alien blades
Should supervillains have capes? only
in comic books. In movies they tend to snag on things.
Which single store would you choose to extort
tribute from? Any good sushi restaurant
Greatest pet peeve? Uppity non-humans.
Best thing in the world? A perfect cup
of Darjeeling oolong tea.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest
of them all? Betsy. She's never disappointed me.
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