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 CURRICULUM
VITAE
Lineage ID? Archer out of Grash, 3R
Current name? Jonathan David Archer
Aliases? Jack the Knife
Rank? I'm the Captain now.
Current primary enemy? Admiral Black
can give me Defiant, or I'll take it
over his corpse.
Current secondary enemy? Forrest's cronies
who survived, especially the Vulcans
Number of years you've survived? 45
Number of battles won? At least fifty
or sixty
Pets? Porthos! My buddy my pal my bodyguard.
I've had dogs all my life. Mostly pit bulls and Rotties.
Height? 2m
Eye color? green
Hair color? Brown, going gray
Piercings? Yes, and I think Sato's going
to come to enjoy it.
Tattoos? I've been thinking about getting
Defiant tattooed on my arm. She is my first command,
after all.
Scars? A few on my leg, when I had a
run-in with a harpoon.
Any major body parts missing or supplemented
with a prosthetic? Nope, all factory-issue.
How much do you love the Empire? Audentes
fortuna juvat
Current ship? Defiant.
How many people did you have remove to get
there? However many were necessary.
Next ship? What "next" ship?
Defiant is mine!
PREFERENCES
Very tight pants or miniskirts? Miniskirt
Leather, Kevlar, or armor? None. I'll
take anything anyone wants to dish out.
Whisky or ale? Ale
Rare wines and exotic delicacies captured
from passing vessels in the name of the Empire, or haunch
of targ with rotgut from the still in Engineering? I deserve
tribute from any enemy I conquer.
Coffee or Jolt? Jolt
Food or sex? Both
Do you enjoy devising your own interrogations
or do you savor watching someone else do the tough extractions?
Reed is pretty good at getting people to tell me what
I want to know. Besides, he enjoys it so much I'd hate to
take the fun out of it for him.
Knife blade: serrated, hook, or poisoned?
Serrated. Does more damage coming out, and if by some chance
the person survives, I've left a nice scar to remember me
by.
Gold or silver? Gold
Bridges or tunnels? Tunnels lead to
secrets, and secrets are power.
Growl, shout, or hiss? Shout! How can
you intimidate a man who can still hear himself think? The
only thing he should be hearing is my voice!
Coliseum or torture chamber? Reed certainly
did a damn good job with that agony booth.
Vulcans: mostly useful minions or servants
who are too intelligent for their own good? They're
generally useful. Once in a while one will get too big
for her britches.
Of course, those britches are cut pretty low and tight, so
that's not difficult.
Ion storms: Cool or scary? Cool. Steering
my ship through the heart of an ion storm without systems
going down or being torn apart counts as a conquest to me.
Vlad the Impaler or Niccoló Machiavelli?
Machiavelli. Sometimes you need to remove threats. Sometimes
you only need to have them fear you more.
Lucrezia Borgia or Countess Bathory?
The Borgias were brilliant.
Colonel Green or Khan? Khan
Sauron or Voldemort? Sauron commanded
vast armies of the ugliest, nastiest soldiers in Middle-Earth.
There was a power who knew how to get things done.
Beatles or Stones? Stones! Porthos likes
to howl along to "Under My Thumb."
Daggers or swords? Dagger
Mac, PC, or Unix? {mutter grumble}
bluescreen of death {grumble}
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE...
Pizza topping? raw garlic
Dessert? pistachios
Energy weapon? Defiant's phasers
Training film? "Unconquered Alien
Species." That was the first time I'd heard of the Tholians.
Monitoring device? I had an extensive
video network on Enterprise. I'll have to have Tucker
rig something up here.
Method of keeping your underlings in line?
I like to get right up in people's faces to show them who's
boss.
Place to be kissed? the happy trail
Imperial holiday? Third Dynasty Day.
The Blue Devils would put on a show every year by our crèche.
Book? Zephram Cochrane's autobiography
James Bond villain? The Viper from "SkyDome"
Quote? "A soldier will fight long
and hard for a bit of colored ribbon." -- Napoleon
Word or phrase? I'm really relishing
hearing "aye, Captain."
Website? All-Terra Collegiate Water
Polo Deathmatch Association
Least favorite thing? Being thwarted
in my plans for advancement
RANDOM PERSONAL QUESTIONS
How many weapons do you carry on your person,
approximately? three
How old were you when you committed your
first assassination? 25, but it got me into Forrest's
good graces.
How many times has someone attempted to assassinate
you? Four or five. The only really memorable one was the
harpoon incident. I was fortunate that Tucker was around to
help me out. Sato and her little knife hardly count.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Within shooting range of the Emperor.
What do you look for in a partner? Someone
who listens. I can't plan in a vacuum.
What did you want to be when you grew up?
Emperor. Doesn't everybody?
What characteristics do you despise?
Obstructionism
How do you express anger? Right hook
Would you rather die or become a bureaucrat?
Bureaucracy is for slaves.
What was your most satisfying revenge?
Watching Enterprise explode, because it meant Forrest
was out of my way and nothing could stop me from taking
Defiant.
Last person you went to dinner with? Pleasure
or business? Culminated in sex or death? Sato. Bit of
both. Sex. I've done that with edamame, but I didn't know
you could do also do it with tsukemono.
Last crony whom you rewarded for a nasty
job well-done? Reed
Ever been a "Captain's Woman"
or "Captain's Man"? I am the Captain!
I keep the Captain's Woman!
RANDOM QUESTIONS
Had the drink Calypso Breeze? I'll have
Sato make me one tonight.
Any superstitions? Superstitions are
for the weak-minded.
First thing you think of when you wake up?
I'm the Captain, and damn it feels good.
What's on your mouse pad? Starfleet
logo
What's under your bed? It's Porthos's
territory. I don't go under there.
How many people did you have to bribe to
get into Imperial service? Over a dozen
What Academy subject is completely useless?
Etiquette
What was the last book you read?
I haven't had time to read books for a few years, but I scanned
Forrest's personal logs regularly.
Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
no
Can you roll your tongue? yes
Hobbies? planning how I'd run things
if I were Emperor
Should supervillains have capes? A real
supervillain wears a military uniform with a snappy hat. The
rest of the freaks are just overgrown little boys in tights.
Which single store would you choose to extort
tribute from? The Galvesian Munitions Depot
Greatest pet peeve? People who don't
listen to my ideas.
Best thing in the world? Settling back
into the Big Chair on Defiant and watching my enemies
trying to flee their destruction. Run, you cowards!
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest
of them all? Well, Sato is pretty tasty in that little
black lace number, but she isn't particularly safe to be around.
Maybe I'll have the Vulcan for a while -- make Sato work to
get her position back.
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